Wednesday, September 7, 2011

New Project

Alright, so this is a story that I started today. I decided that I'll keep posting more pieces of this every Thursday, for as long as it takes me to finish. Let me know what you think!!!!:

Jade stared into the eyes of her guardians as they dared her to be defiant.  Her soft, misty blue eyes were shaken and lit with fear—very much unlike the sharp, stilling grey shade of those who looked after her. She couldn’t take it—being a princess, being bound to a life of dresses and jewelry. She didn’t want to rule—no, she would leave it all behind in an instant to be free. Free.
She wanted nothing less than to run away, to get on a horse and leave forever. Then she could run to the elves for refuge. The only question was, how???
She pondered this for a moment.
Her father was holding an assembly with all of the residents of Rempavt that afternoon. . .nearly all of the guards would be there as opposed to “babysitting” her. . .It could work.  
Deliberately, she began to plan her escape. 
She glared up again at the guards—if only they knew what she was thinking. Jade twisted a smirk onto her face.   
“What are you up to?” One of the guards blatantly asked at her.  
“What could I be up to? Can I not simply admire the armory?” she replied as they walked through the rows of shields and swords.
She stopped, pretending to look interested in some of the swords, “I’m fine here. Let me browse for a moment—then I’ll go into my room to select a better gown for tonight.”
Her glaring eyes made the guards realize that if Jade’s brothers died in battle, she would become ruler. Would they try to get on her good side, or stick to their duty?
“Alright, highness, just remember that you have a dinner to attend tonight,” said one of the younger guards, Curias.  She looked tenderly at him and smiled, thanking him for understanding her need—the need to be alone.
Or maybe not. . . “I’ll stay with her; she may need guidance as far as selecting a sword is concerned.”
The other guards nodded, it seemed they didn’t like the idea of me being left alone.
“Couldn’t you leave me be? Must I always have someone watching me?” Hissed Jade as the other guards passed out of earshot.
“Highness, with all due respect, I don’t trust you. I know what you think. . .I see it in your eyes. They light up with fire whenever even one of us walks away.”
She glared at Curias, “Didn’t you say you would help me select a sword?”
“Yes, I did, didn’t I?”
 So look they did. But something peculiar happened—Curias and Jade reached for the same sword at the same time, and their hands touched. They both looked up, and for a few seconds, they had their gaze locked into opposite’s eyes. Jade’s widened at the spur of the moment, but soon they both let go of the sword, and there was a moment of awkward silence.
“My sword is good enough, I need not a new one.” Jade gulped. 
“Let’s talk about your plans of escape somewhere more private.” Curias whispered. . .so he did know after all.
“Let’s go to my room, and I’ll answer whatever questions you have.”
So they went in and discussed it. For some reason, Jade trusted Curias—he even offered valuable advice about the best ways to leave. 
But then Curias said something that Jade did not expect, “Look, highness--“
“Jade. My name is Jade.”
“Alright, Jade. Well. . .there’s one issue with your plan. I was the last one with you, therefore I would be accused of hiding you, encouraging you to leave, or possibly even murdering you. I could be executed.
“I obviously don’t want that, so. . .Can I come with you? I would be able to protect you, and I know the ways to the elves well. I don’t want to die, Jade. Please don’t let me die.”


  1. Who is writing this?

    The dialoge is pretty good, yet it seems to be moving very fast. I think you could slow the pace a little and add some descriptive parts - something to root your characters to the ground and make them more dimentional and the story better rounded.

    Good job, though. Your dialoge's great!

  2. Oh, sorry, I didn't put my name on the bottom! Right now I'm trying to get the basic outline down, and get as far as I can with just that. I'll add in the other things later, when I have a higher word count. Thanks!~Elizabeth